Perspective Shifting - Taking the Bar Exam Again
Paulina Bandy, Esq.Share
A little change in perspective is helpful when you feel beaten by negative bar results and find it necessary to gear up for another bar exam.
Here is a compilation of negative thoughts you might be telling yourself and some different perspectives, or points of view, to help overcome such thoughts.
Table of Contents
- Embarrassment – Who Cares What Others Think
- Failing Does Not Make You A Failure
- Pessimism - Seek Optimism
- Pity Party - Then, Move On
- Fear of Failing Ending A Relationship - Weeding Out
- I am Poor - I am Making Choices
- I Don’t Want This - Do You Want This?
- I Wanted to Pass Now - Grow & Pass Next Time
1. Embarrassment – Who Cares What Others Think
The first negative thought I would like to tackle with a little change of perspective is the feeling of embarrassment, and what others may think of your failing.
You set higher goals for yourself than most do. How many times have you heard acquaintances say, “I was going to go to law school”…well, they didn’t. You did. You have your freakin’ JD. What do you have to be embarrassed about? You failed the CALIFORNIA Bar Exam. It is the hardest exam in the world. Most people can not even sit for this exam. Don’t be embarrassed, you were beaten by a tough adversary. It is the pursuit of this lofty goal that makes the victory so sweet. You did not fail a quiz…it is the CA Bar Exam. Give yourself a break.
“You have your freakin’ JD.”
Are you concerned about how certain people will respond to the news of your results? Here is a street perspective I like to call, “Are They Paying Your Bills?” One time I overheard a person telling her friend about some hurtful things someone said about her. The friend’s response was “So, does she pay your bills?” At first this response seemed apathetic; however after taking pause, I thought, nice perspective.
This person had elevated what this gossiper had said about her to her own detriment…and really what effect did it have on her? Keeping it in perspective, what they said held no truth, no bearing at all. The only power it had was what she gave it. So, I pass this street-wise advice on to you, don’t fear the judgment of your failing by nay-sayers, ask yourself…does it really matter what they think? Are they paying your bills?
Another perspective, mom taught me, consider the source. Res Ipsa Loquitur…this one speaks for itself. Are they jealous of your past accomplishments? Likely their skepticism says more about them than it does about you.
2. Failing Does Not Make You A Failure
Here’s some perspective for you, remind yourself of your past success. You are smart. You have achieved. You will achieve again.
Keep this divergence in your intellectual pursuits in perspective. You have a proven history of being smart. You graduated law school, this per se tells the general public you are smart. There is no need to feel inferior because you failed the CA Bar Exam. You will make the necessary adjustments and will do what you need to do.
Consider seeing yourself through someone else’s eyes. Think of the person you love and respect…spouse, mom, best friend. Now see yourself through their adoring eyes. They know you well. Do they think you are a failure? People who know you know you are a success.
When dealing with failing results, consider this is one exam. It is not who you are. It does not take away all the good you have done, nor will do in the future. It does not define who you are as a person, nor does it define your intellect. Take some time to hang out with people who will remind you of this…your child, your mom, your spouse, a long-time friend. If you need to, ask them what you have to offer.
Another point of view, attorneys are faced with making themselves competent throughout their careers. No shame in that. Consider this negative result as a novelty. You just need to make yourself competent in this area, which you will do by associating with someone competent or making yourself competent.
Another way to look at failing, you know some things worked and some didn’t. Realize that you did some things correctly in your preparation and on the exam. What did you gain from this experience? What did you learn about yourself?
If your scores are getting closer, think of it as so are you.
Yet another perspective in this category, failing goes together with success. You’ve had the failure, go get your success.
3. Pessimism - Seek Optimism
I suggest not getting caught up in the negativity of other repeaters and bar exam bashing. This perspective is not success oriented.
Instead, find, nurture, and safeguard your optimism. Optimism makes this process palatable.
Commiserating has its place. However, listening to others say how impossible the bar exam is doesn’t serve your possibility.
In my experience working with those similarly situated, dwelling on your success is in your best interest mentally and physically.
If you need help quieting the negative self-talk, my download Smiling at the Bar Exam helps.
4. Pity Party - Then Move On
It is natural to feel a little sorry for yourself after receiving negative bar results. However, you don’t want to stall your progress. Here are some perspectives to help you move on.
An amazing thing happens when you help others, it helps you heal. Spending too many hours studying, combined with the insurmountable feeling of failing the exam, distorts reality and tips one into self-absorption (a cautionary tale). Helping others allows you to escape, do some good, then come back to your studies feeling better about your circumstances. Pick who, when, and where to help, as you regain your value and purpose.
Another reframe, you still have laughter, hugs, and joy. At this time in particular, seek out things you enjoy doing, places you like to be, and who you want to be with. There is more to you and your life than this exam. This puts the exam in perspective quickly.
5. Fear of Failing Ending A Relationship - Weeding Out
Going through a repetitive experience such as this, shows you a different side of people generally not exposed in day-to-day life. Some will demonstrate unwavering support. Some are threatened, or possibly expose their jealousy of your past accomplishments. Some have your back, and some don’t. Weed out the ones that don’t. Notice the ones that do.
6. I am Poor - I Am Making Choices
Gain a monk’s perspective.
There is no romanticizing being broke. However, there is something genuinely freeing about stripping back to what really matters.
You learn truly what is important to you. You also learn what quality of person you are. Focus on the fundamentals that make you happy. Focus on the qualities that you have learned about yourself.
Finding fulfillment in challenging times is a peaceful monk-like experience.
After investing so much money in bar exams, hotels, and bar exam preparation it is easy to feel poor. Consider that this is a temporary situation. You have had money before. You will have money again. You are choosing to make sacrifices to achieve your goal. Although you would prefer less sacrifice, it is your choice to continue.
7. I Don’t Want This - Do You Want This?
Remind yourself why you are going to be a great attorney. Write yourself a list of why you should be an attorney. Why does the world need your special skill set? Use your persuasive writing skills to convince yourself. Would you be a dynamo in the courtroom? Will you bring a sensitivity that will endear clients and juries? Can you make a difference using your writing skills? Clients could use your tenacity. Maybe it is your integrity and ethics that will be appreciated by the public.
Sometimes, a candidate’s perspective after failing the bar exam should be, “good, now I can go do what I love to do”. Sometimes, Repeaters who are used to being successful struggle to cut their losses. If this process is torture, maybe it is a bad match.
Give yourself permission to live your authentic life, to be happy and productive. Is this the pursuit of your dream, or a living nightmare?
8. I Wanted to Pass Now - Grow & Pass Next Time
Good things do come to those who wait. The path may not be as direct as you would have planned, but there always seems to be a path. A rewarding career is just waiting for you.
Another perspective, this experience will make you a better person. It will make you more appreciative, more receptive and generous. It will make you a deeper person. It will provide understanding and sensitivity that will balance well with your intellect… a winning combination.
In conclusion, try to provide a healing perspective for yourself. Hopefully this article will springboard good thoughts. Be optimistic. Be steadfast in your cause. Be flexible in your improvement.
Keep your sights on your goal.
Disclaimer: This article is written from my viewpoint as an expert in bar exam preparation for Repeaters. I am not a psychologist and my opinions should not replace needed psychological advice or counseling.